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These are the Best Jokes Ever Told in the History of Laughter

Best Jokes Ever Told
The best jokes of all time are those which incorporate situation-based comedy rather sarcasm or mere wordplay. Some of the best jokes ever told are included in the write-up here.
Entertainism Staff
Last Updated: Jun 3, 2018
An ironic depiction of a situation through written text or verbal communication in order to be humorous can be termed as a joke. It differs from a prank or joke played on somebody; a prank is basically a practical joke. Jokes play an important role in making our day-to-day life stress-free and cheerful. Humor is such a thing which constantly seeks an outlet to manifest itself. Words are the best media to bring out the humor which spreads joy in our lives. Tools that are commonly used to make the jokes interesting are sarcasm, irony and wordplay. Situation-based jokes are the ones which stay in our memory for a long time.
List of the Best Jokes Ever Told
One of the theories which explains the relation between jokes and laughter is the one proposed by Edward de Bono in his work, 'The Mechanism of the Mind". As per this theory, laughter results from the disruption of a familiar connection. This theory is explained by suggesting that human brain recognizes a certain, set pattern of behavior and verbal expressions. Any kind of disruption of the pattern surprises the person in question. The end result of the process is laughter. Jokes make us laugh only when we listen to them for the first time. This theory by Edward de Bono therefore, explains the mechanism of laughter associated with jokes to some extent. Some jokes are such that their effect doesn't wear off for a long time. The best jokes ever told and which fit into this category are listed below.

Most of these jokes are situation-based and presented in a humorous way. You would enjoy these jokes which have originated in different parts of the world.
An elderly couple goes to Burger King and shares their fries and burger. A trucker sitting next to them offers to pay for the old lady. "It's all right," says the old man. "We always share everything." On seeing that the old lady has not eaten anything, the trucker once again makes an offer. The old man once again assures the trucker to stay calm and resumes eating. Finally, the trucker asks the lady about not eating anything. The old lady replies, " I am waiting for the teeth."
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "Two weeks."
A man visits his Chinese friend in a hospital. "Li kai yang qi guan," says the Chinese friend. The man doesn't understand a single word and becomes desperate about what to say next. "Li kai yang qi guan!" says the patient, as his face becomes red. After a few weeks, the man goes on a business tour of China. There he learns the meaning of "Li kai yang qi guan": "Get off my oxygen tube."
Doctor: Did you try sleeping as per my advice with the window open?
Patient: Yes!
Doctor: Has the problem of asthma been solved?
Patient: No doctor, but all of my gadgets have disappeared.
A member of Congress is walking down the streets of Washington late in the night. He is surrounded by muggers and is asked to give all his money. The Congress member says, "I am one of the members of Congress." The muggers say, "Sorry boss!"
A sign on Washington's Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing reads, "If you drink and drive, we'll provide the chasers." ~ Joann Berntsen
According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we'll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo. So in other words, nothing is going to change. ~ Arthur Carlson
At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once, when I called to confirm an appointment, he said, "I'll be about 15 minutes late. That won't be a problem, will it?" "No," I told him. "We just won't have time to give you an anesthetic." He arrived early. ~ Terri Spaccarotelli
Moses was walking down a street when he bumped into George W. Bush. "Hello," said Bush. "Nice weather we're having, huh?" Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction. The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away. Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong. Moses said, "The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert." ~ Don Nguyen
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. "My life is a mess," he says. "My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a Schnauzer, and I'm as jittery as a cat." "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?", suggests the collie. "I can't," says the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch." ~ L. B. Weinstein
A man while walking in a graveyard hears the Third Symphony being played backwards. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backwards, and then the First. "What's going on?", he asks a cemetery worker. "It's Beethoven," says the worker. "He's decomposing." ~ Jeremy Hone
A man in India traveling by bus from Pune to Mumbai finds an old woman in the seat next to him. The old lady speaks with him for a while and asks him to wake her up at 'Lonavala' station; she goes to sleep shortly afterwards. After a while the man falls asleep. He wakes up after a long time to find that the bus left Lonavala a short while ago. To his horror, he finds the old woman fast asleep in her seat. Panic-stricken, he approaches the driver and requests him to take the bus back to Lonavala. The driver, irritated by such carelessness, at first, refuses to do so. The man somehow convinces the driver to return and the bus finally arrives at Lonavala station. Highly embarrassed, enduring the dirty looks from fellow passengers, and tired by the whole exercise, the man gets back to his seat and wakes the old lady up. "Madam, here you are, it's your Lonavala station." The woman wakes up and says, "Thank you for reminding me son. It's half past twelve, it seems the bus is running 20-30 minutes behind schedule. Anyway, it's time to take my medicines. Thanks again." She takes her medicines and goes to sleep once again.
Every ten years, monks in a monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it's one monk's first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, "Food bad." Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard." It's the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, "I quit." "I'm not surprised," says the head monk. "You've been complaining ever since you got here." ~ Alan Lynch
Best Jokes of All Time
The subject of why people laugh at jokes has long been a matter of interest for psychologists and academicians. Different psychologists and scientists have different views on this topic. For example, Immanuel Kant states that laughter emerges from a situation where you are tensely expecting something and the end result is nothing. There are many other explanations of humor and laughter; however, this is truly one of the most important.
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they realized that ball pens didn't work due to zero-gravity. Therefore, they developed a pen which could work in zero gravity by spending lots of money. Russians went for a pencil, instead.
"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After which he went downhill very quickly." ~ Comic Milton Jones
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"? The bartender says, "No, we only sell beer here." The duck leaves. The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"? The bartender says, "No, I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar." So the duck leaves. The next day the duck walks back into the bar once again and asks the bartender "Do you have any nails"?
The bartender says "no." The duck asks, "Do you have any grapes"? ~ Scott Pruitt
Two friends who were playing golf on a fine morning saw a funeral procession passing by. One of the friends who was about to hit the ball, stopped mid-way, took off the cap and bowed down. The other friend was overwhelmed by this gesture and asked him, "You are kind and truly a gentleman. I have never seen such a thoughtful person. The friend replied, "Yes, I was married to her for 35 years."
A doctor says to his patient, "I have got a bad and worse news for you today." The worried patient asks, "What is the bad news?" The reply comes," You can live for one day at the most." The frightened patient then asks, "What could be worse?" The doctor informs, "I was trying to contact you since yesterday evening."
A turtle was walking down a street in New York and suddenly got mugged by few snails. A policeman arrives to investigate the matter and asks the turtle, "Could you please explain to us about the incident." The turtle not knowing what to say, replies, "I don't remember what happened. It was so quick and fast." ~ Anonymous
In today's stress-filled life, it is important to stay happy and cheerful. Jokes and one-liners help recharge our mind. Most importantly, jokes have the power to relieve the tensions of the fast-paced life. Hope you enjoyed the jokes presented in this article.