✦ Just after a maid had been fired, she took 5 bucks and threw it at the family dog.
When asked by her former employee, the maid answered, "I never forget a friend who helped me, I gave him 5 bucks for helping me clean the dishes all the time..
✦ What was the snail doing on the highway?
It was traveling one mile a day!
Ready, teddy, go!
✦ What do you get when you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the Pooh!
✦ In which room we cannot live?
✦ A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
✦ Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: Does this taste funny to you?
A hole! You need to make a hole in the ice!
✦ How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest of them are true stories.
✦ What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin out and throw it back!
✦ Why did the blonde give her computer cough medicine?
It had a virus.
✦ What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
Because they taste funny.
✦ What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
✦ What language do they speak in Cuba?
✦ Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!"